Month: March 2020

Please, after you read this, write a will.  Working with an attorney helps – it turns out that death is complicated.  But you also can do it yourself (with 2 witnesses and a notary), and there are many good internet resources to help you.  But, please, do it. Here’s why.

While we were in South Africa this year, I had a phone call from a US hospice organization (7 time zones away!).  My life-long friend, Barbara, was admitted to the hospital – tests revealed that she had arrived at stage 4 cancer and was going to need immediate hospice services.  I was an “emergency contact.”  I should mention that Barbara’s husband, who died about 12 years ago, did not have a will – and it took lots of effort and energy by Barbara to settle his estate, given their state’s intestacy laws.  I assumed that experience convinced Barb to have a will.  I was wrong.

Over several weeks, there were many calls with Barbara (of course!), hospice, her neighbor (who heroically took on some caregiving), adult protective services, and one of Barb’s cousins.  The adult services people asked Barbara to designate medical and financial powers of attorney and to name an executor for her estate – i.e., to write a will.  For her own reasons, she refused.  Five weeks after getting that first call, Barbara passed away, finally reunited with her beloved husband. 

Barbara wished to be cremated, but because no one was legally responsible for her, her body was taken to the city morgue.  Three weeks later, it’s still there, waiting for the court to appoint an administrator for the estate, who can get the body released.

Immediately upon her death, her apartment was sealed.  No one can empty the refrigerator, do the last bits of laundry, and clean up.  No one is collecting her mail to pay bills, no one is stopping her Social Security and pension payments, no one is doing her 2019 income taxes.

The state’s intestacy laws provide that the estate goes to her homebound, 91-year old uncle.  When I mentioned this once to Barb – in an effort to motivate her to write a will – she just said, “no, that won’t happen.”  It will.  Fortunately, there are cousins willing to step into the fray and start untangling the knot that is her estate. Also, her 91-year old uncle has to get a boatload of forms notarized.  I expect it will take a couple of years to finalize the settlement, and the fees for the court-appointed administrator will chew up 40 – 50% of the estate. 

Barbara read voraciously, and was a regular at the local Public Library.  My guess is that she might have wanted to leave a gift to the library in her will, but that’s not going to happen.

In addition to her husband, Barbara’s other great love was animals – in particular, cats.  She regularly volunteered at the animal shelter, helping to socialize cats and working to find them happy “forever” homes.  I believe that she would have wanted to leave a gift to the shelter, but that’s not going to happen either.

If you have minor children and no will, upon your death, the courts will appoint a guardian, who may not be the person you would choose.  Not having a will can devastate your family and friends, and gives you no say over where your money and property go. 

Barbara was a dear soul, and those of us who knew her will miss her.  Now, please go write a will.

Authors: Jeanne and Randy – who have wills! – spend some of their time in South Africa helping the Anglican and Methodist churches with their work on ECD centers, youth programs, and other priority projects for church staff.

Sometimes, only hindsight can show you how God nudged you into a better place. We were nudged this year in South Africa.

We planned to go to Cape Town in mid-to-late January and stay until late March, summertime! We also wanted our friends to visit.

Aaannnd the nudge. Our friends had plans to be elsewhere in March and needed time between our visit and their March commitments – who knew that a calendar would be an agent of the Holy Spirit? We did a quick shift and agreed to travel just after New Year’s – arriving earlier and leaving earlier.

This wasn’t logistically convenient. We had to  scramble to “de-Christmas” the house, get packed, clean out the refrigerator, arrange remote bill-paying, double-check the packing, arrange transportation from our home to the airport, over 2 hour’s drive away, and deal with the myriad other small details involved with spending months away from home.

We arrived in Cape Town on January 8. We settled in. Our friends came. We volunteered, shopped for 2020 Christmas presents, drove on the left side of the road, and ate lots of fresh fish. In early March, we reluctantly packed, returned the rental car, and flew home. Upon arriving home, we got an email from a South African friend saying the nation had its first case of coronavirus. Two weeks later, there were over 250 cases, and international travel from South Africa to Europe and the USA had stopped.

During our stay in South Africa, the news said there was no coronavirus in all of Africa for a long while as China, Iran, and then Europe struggled to contain the disease.   No one could have predicted the speed and magnitude of travel restrictions imposed just after we returned. The virus changed the world that fast. If we had stuck with our original timing, we would have been stranded, with no way to return to the USA.

Sometimes, luck is more than that. It’s a nudge from someone who knows what’s about to go down that says, “You really want to adjust your plans.”  We need to continually listen for the “still, small voice” and to be sensitive to the nudges that God provides us.  It isn’t easy, and it isn’t obvious, except in hindsight!

In these interesting times, what does it means to live in a community; what gives a place a sense of community?  “Communitarianism” (small self-governing communities) doesn’t fit.  Neither does the mathematical property of “Commutativity.”

We need a new word. We propose Communitivity (“Com-mune-e-tiv-ity”).

COMMUNITIVITY:       The amount to which a group of people (a community) acts to support one another, especially in times of societal stress (e.g., natural disasters, pandemics, social unrest, recession/depression). A high Communitivity rating indicates a large degree of social support.

I was reading a Facebook post (a rant, really) by an outspoken friend of mine who complained about people buying 12 loaves of bread and 20 pounds of meat in response to the Coronavirus outbreak. She said that in a few days you’ll have moldy bread and rotted meat, you’re out a chunk of change, and you kept someone who needed the food from getting any. Her anatomical description of the bread and meat hoarders was considered spot on by other commenters.

My response to her started with “Amen Sister,” then offered 3 Rules to consider during these times.

1. Stop panicking
2. We’re all in this together, so look out for each other, and
3. Take the initiative on Rule #2.

I don’t claim any credit for this; it was inspired by another friend in our neighborhood who took the initiative to visit an elderly neighbor. Debbie Sue took the grocery list and loaded her up. Debbie Sue ended her email message with “Let me know if anyone needs ANYTHING!” That’s a high level of Communitivity.

We all should be looking for ways to increase Communitivity among our friends and neighbors (remember Rule #3). What can you do to help out, or just stay in touch with those who may need a little extra assistance? What initiatives can you take to increase our Communitivity? We really are all in this together. Hoarding bread and meat (or hand sanitizer) doesn’t work.

The potential silver lining here is that when life returns to “normal,” we can still work to maintain a high Communitivity rating. Neighborhoods, cities, and entire societies benefit with higher Communitivity. And when the next element of societal stress arrives, we’re ready!

Lastly, a new definition needs units of measure so that increases and decreases can be quantified. For Communitivity, We propose the unit of the Debbie. Debbie Sue’s actions quantify to one Debbie. How many Debbies can you earn?

Authors: Jeanne and Randy spend some of their time in South Africa helping the Anglican and Methodist churches with their work on ECD centers, youth programs, and other priority projects for church staff.

Travel lets (and sometimes makes) you try out new things – if you have the courage.  South Africa has a lot of coastline.  There’s a lot of fishing, which means there’s a lot of fish in the markets, and a lot of fish on the  restaurant menus.  But we’re not talking trout, tilapia, salmon, and the other “usual” fish.

South African markets and menus list angel fish, kobeljou (pronounced “kobble-joo”) yellow tail, snoek, red roman, white roman, hake, cape salmon (not a salmon! It’s Geelbek, whatever that is), silverfish, kingklip, and the ever-popular if not attractively named stubnose.  But with a spirit of adventure (the courage thing mentioned earlier) you enjoy something you’ve never heard of.

Of course, that’s just the fish.  On land, there’s also ostrich (very lean!), eland, kudu, and springbok.  Adventure and courage!

In the plant world, there are fewer adventures in the Western Cape, but they’re still delicious.  You can get fresh figs are available by the kilo for $4 – (about $1.80 per pound!).

The South African pineapples – these are smaller than their Hawaiian and Central American cousins.  And much sweeter – much, much, much sweeter.  Part of the sweetness is probably the variety of pineapple, but another part of it is that produce here is shipped to markets when it is ripe.  There’s no “let it sit out on the counter for a week” going on here!

There are the melons that look like cantaloupe – NOT.  One of the first ‘lopes we cut into was green, more like a honeydew.  A bit of a surprise, but delicious nonetheless.  And then there were the ones that were sold as “orange melons.”  Also delicious. Funny, African bananas aren’t as tasty as the Central American types – guess you can’t win ‘em all.

The takeaway is: be willing to try new things.  Kudu?  Super! Ostrich? Not my favorite. Any fish? Hey, what fish doesn’t taste good with lots of fresh lemon and a bottle of South African Sauvignon Blanc?

What is true for food is true for so many things in life.  With a sense of adventure and a bit of courage, try out new things. Let them surprise you.  Not everything will be a hit, but as Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” Say Bon Appetit to life’s adventures.

Authors: Jeanne and Randy spend some of their time in South Africa helping the Anglican and Methodist churches with their work on ECD centers, youth programs, and other priority projects for church staff.

We were walking at the Helderberg Nature Preserve and came upon this sign that is both helpful and unhelpful at the same time (by the way, there are cobras and puff adders in this Preserve!). Whatever the choice, it’s correct — you get where you’re going. Wouldn’t it be great if life were this way? When faced with a big choice, you know that you’re going to make the right (or left) one.

Alas, life is not like that. So, what do you do? You do the best you can.

When I’m considering a potential project, or listening to someone describe their goals, I think about three things:

1. What’s the outcome you are looking for?
2. How are you going to get it?
3. What makes you think your approach will work?

Again, if only life were so simple that these answers were set before beginning. Often, we may know what we want, but are unsure how to go about accomplishing it. Or you have to try something that hasn’t been done before, so you don’t know whether this way will work at all.

Sometimes things change while in progress.  A lot of life is iteration. You do so much, then take a look at it and make adjustments – like recipes that always add “season to taste” at the end as a kind of all-inclusive final step. The fancy business word is “agile.” From time to time, you have to stop the work in progress and evaluate whether the goal is still the same. If not, you make adjustments and then keep going until the next reevaluation point.

And a lot of the time, the decision you make is correct at the time you make it, but then “something happens,” and you don’t get the results you expected.  Our first mortgage had an adjustable rate, and as our luck had it, rates only went down for the next 10 years (this was in 1984 – when interest rates were double-digit!).  We looked like financial geniuses!  But if rates had gone back up. . . . well, not so genius!

That was our experience this year with the Anglican Diocese of False Bay. We arrived unsure of what help we could provide. After some iteration, we have two projects; one is a computerized staff index, and the other is a Diocese property inventory – the South African Parliament is debating a Constitutional change that would allow expropriation without compensation for some specific types of land, and the Diocese needs to get a handle on what they have and how it’s titled.

In the end, it’s about making good decisions based on good data. Data can become information, information develops into knowledge, and knowledge turns into wisdom. And with wisdom, we can make the right (or left) choices.  So if you knew there was a cobra on the right path, you’d take the left path, which would be the right decision!

Authors: Jeanne and Randy spend some of their time in South Africa helping the Anglican and Methodist churches with their work on ECD centers, youth programs, and other priority projects for church staff.